Remember When It Rained
by Saritadreaming
Summary: James always wanted Bella for his own. When he discovers the intense attraction between Edward and Bella, how far will he go to keep them apart? Spanning 6 years of lies, subterfuge & abuse. Love isn't always enough; sometimes fate has to intervene


**A/N: **Thanks to the awesome ladies and friends who pre-read this for me and offered valuable feedback—Keye, Sandy, Kat and Wendy.

As always, I must thank my awesome beta, Jess (jkane180), for catching all my snafus. Mwah!

I listened to Josh Groban's song _'__Remember When It Rained'_ on an endless loop while writing this story. It's an awesome song… go have a listen! I posted the lyrics below because they're just too beautiful to be missed.

**H t t p : / / www . / watch?v=FvWnHAhKX6E**

Abuse of another human being has to be one of the most vile acts of atrocity one can commit. To rip away someone else's dignity and self worth is the equivalent of attempted murder in my eyes. After all, someone in an abusive relationship—be it verbal or physical—slowly dies. I'm happy for those who have found their way out. I _pray _for those who haven't yet because not everyone does.

This story makes reference to a verbally abusive relationship and one minor incidence of physical abuse. There is _no graphic detail_ of any violence included. Thank you to the real life _heroes_ that offered their valuable feedback—because, to me, that's what women who have been through something like this are.

* * *

**~*Remember When It Rained*~**

**~ A one-shot for the Fandom Against Domestic Violence~**

_'__Remember When It Rained' ~ Josh Groban_

_Wash away the thoughts inside  
That keep my mind away from you.  
No more love and no more pride  
And thoughts are all I have to do._

_Ooo ooh Remember when it rained.  
Felt the ground and looked up high  
And called your name.  
Ooo ooh Remember when it rained.  
In the darkness I remain._

_Tears of hope run down my skin.  
Tears for you that will not dry.  
They magnify the one within  
And let the outside slowly die._

_Ooo ooh Remember when it rained.  
I felt the ground and looked up high  
And called your name.  
Ooo ooh Remember when it rained.  
In the water I remain_

_Running down…  
Running down… _

_

* * *

_

**~*Edward*~**

I've loved her for what feels like forever. The first time I saw her, the earth seemed to stand still, and my life has never been the same since. My mind drifted back a few years to the fateful day we met...

~*0*~

_My best friend James called me on the phone. "Hey, Eddie! Why don't you come over?"_

"_Nah." I was feeling a little depressed over my latest failed relationship._

"_Come on! My friend, Bella, is here visiting." He lowered his voice to a whisper, "I'm really hot for Bella."_

"_Who's Bella?" I'd never heard him mention her before._

"_We went to school together back east. She's thinking of moving to the area, and she's here visiting."_

"_You two getting it on?" I joked._

"_I wish."_

_Did I really have anything better to do besides wallow in self-pity? So I agreed._

_When I arrived at James' house, there was music blaring from the living room. He gestured for me to head in while he got us drinks from the fridge, and when I entered the room, it felt as though time stopped. I looked over at the girl sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch with an album cover in her hand._

"_Hey, James, where did you find this album? I've been looking all over for this!"_

_Looking up, she realized that she was speaking to a stranger, and her face flushed. While she was off-balance, I took the opportunity to examine her. She had long, lush mahogany hair, the delicate features and pale complexion of a china doll, lush pink lips and warm brown eyes. The flush in her cheeks only added to her natural beauty, and I drew a breath in, feeling my dick spring to attention._

"_Hey." I raised a hand in greeting._

Really, Edward? Did you seriously just say, 'Hey,' to this goddess sitting on the floor? Asshole.

"_H-hi," Bella stuttered, her face flushing a deeper shade of crimson._

_We just stared into each other's eyes, and it was barely awkward at all. Once I fell into the deep brown pools of her eyes, it felt like I was home and at peace._

_That is until James slapped me hard on the back, jolting me back to reality. "I see you met my Bella!" His Bella?_

_The rest of the afternoon went by too fast. I was unusually quiet; not my typical wise-cracking self. My heart left when Bella went out the door, and I never did get it back..._

~*0*~

After the day I met Bella at James' house, I couldn't get her out of my mind, so I tried to be around whenever she came to visit him. I was hoping to snag her phone number from James—tough luck for me that I was too damn shy to ask her for it myself—but he always managed to avoid that topic even though he wasn't dating her. Frankly, even though James was my friend, I thought Bella was too good for him—hell, I thought she was too good for me, too. She was kind, generous, loving and _hot. _My dick twitched every time I saw her dark hair swinging around her shoulders, her soulful brown eyes looking into mine because she was truly interested in what was going on with me. Bella tried to help everyone; she hated to see anyone unhappy, and she was the best amateur therapist I'd ever met. She really should have become a psychologist; the way she could break down a problem and get you to see it clearly was amazing. Too bad I couldn't talk to her about my _real_ problem—the fact that I wanted her desperately.

There was one time we almost got together—at least in my mind—but James managed to fuck that up, too.

~*0*~

_James was having a party, and Bella and I were there ahead of time to help him set up. James went off with another of our friends to get some liquor, leaving Bella and me alone._

_I watched her move around the living room, choosing music, straightening up and gathering some of James' clothes to return to his bedroom. Unable to control the urge, I followed her to his room. Knowing this was my only chance before James came back, I closed and locked his bedroom door._

"_Hey."_

_Bella squealed, nearly jumping out of her skin, and that lovely pink flooded her cheeks... the shade that made my dick twitch in my pants. Honestly, it didn't take much to wake him up around Bella, period._

"_Oh, hey, Edward."_

_She finished stuffing the frigging pig's clothes in the hamper, shut the closet door and turned to leave the room. Two problems: I was standing in her way, and the door was locked._

_Bella moved past me, brushing my arm with her shoulder, and the scent of her enveloped me. Her hand reached for the knob..._

Lastchance_, _Cullen_!_

_I tugged at her arm, turning her toward me, and pushed her up against the door. At the same time, I flicked off the light switch beside her head, plunging us both into complete darkness._

"_Oh! What the hell, Edward?"_

_Pressing my body up against hers, I breathed deeply of her scent. She smelled fresh and clean, like a spring day, and I wanted to bottle that smell and carry it with me wherever I went. I was now sporting a full hard-on, and he wanted to get a sniff, too. Suppressing a groan, I deflected my aroused state by trying to be playful._

"_So... I've got you trapped here with no way to escape. What are you going to do, Bella?"_

_I could hear her indrawn breath, but she was a quick thinker. "Nothing."_

_My hands tightened slightly on her arms, and I tilted my head down, wishing I could see her beautiful face in the darkness. "Nothing?" I questioned._

"_That's right. You can't stand here holding me forever—eventually you'll have to let me go, right? So I'm just going to wait you out, Edward."_

_Holy hell! This woman would be the death of me. So... what was a guy to do when his bluff was called? I'd been hoping to gauge whether or not I had a chance with the fair Bella by her reaction, but I figured it was time to improvise._

"_So you're just going to let me keep you prisoner until I grow tired?"_

"_Yup."_

"_What if I never grow tired of holding you?" I whispered, and my words held a double meaning._

"_You will." She sounded very sure of herself—this was not at all what I expected._

_Plan B, then... I kissed her._

_Despite the fact that we were in pitch darkness, my mouth found hers easily. Our lips touched against each other's softly, and she responded immediately, kissing me back. I'd thought she might struggle or resist... but, no, Bella leaned into me, and in the silence of the dark room, I could hear her heart beating hard against her ribs—or was that mine?_

_Our lips met over and over in the tentative kisses of two people unsure of one another. Well, I was sure of my feelings for her, but I didn't know what she really thought of me. Deciding I might as well go all in, I dragged my tongue slowly along her bottom lip and was rewarded by a soft moan as she parted her lips for me. Our tongues met gently at first, but before long, the kiss deepened, and we were exploring each other's mouths... biting, nipping, playing, and teasing. Letting go of my hold on her arms, I pressed her harder against the door, grinding my pelvis against her slightly so she could feel what she was doing to me._

_Bella's newly freed arms wound up around my neck, her fingers threading into my hair, and I felt her lower body push back against mine. Encouraged, I slid my hands just under the edge of her top, caressing the smooth skin above the waistband of her jeans. She made more noises of encouragement, so I splayed my hands over her sides, rubbing them up and down and reaching a bit higher each time until I felt the softness of her bra. Moving my hands around to the front, I cupped her breasts in my hands, massaging over the lace. When she didn't slap me, I tweaked a nipple through the soft material, and she made a mewling sound, grinding her pelvis against me._

_Afraid of losing control and making an ass of myself, I broke away from her mouth, my lips traveling along the soft skin of her neck in slow, wet kisses. Pushing the bra up out of my way, her luscious boobs fell into my hands, and I kneaded them gently at first. Bella made more whimpering noises. Emboldened, I rolled her nipples between my fingers, and she nearly attacked me._

"_Oh, God, Edward... I love the way that feels!" she cried out breathlessly._

"_Do you want to lie down, Bella?" I asked in between placing open-mouthed kisses down her neck and over her delicate collar bone._

"_Yes."_

_Being as familiar with James' room as I was with my own, I knew right where the bed was. Backing us up until the edge of the mattress grazed my legs, I turned us around so I could lay Bella down before covering her body with mine. I stroked her heated face, knowing how red it would be even in the darkness._

"_Bella, I've wanted to do this for a long time..." I whispered._

"_Me, too."_

_Finding her lips again, I plunged my tongue into her hot mouth, pouring all the feelings I'd been holding back into my kiss. Bella pressed her chest up against me. Happy to oblige, I lifted her shirt slowly in case she was going to object—which she didn't—and rubbed my thumbs in circles around her hardened peaks. She writhed beneath me and kissed me more aggressively than before._

_Pushing her top out of the way, I bent my head down, taking one of her straining nipples into my mouth and swirling my tongue around it ever so slowly. Bella thrust her chest up with a whimper, and I knew I'd found something that really turned her on. Encouraged, I ground my pelvis into her again._

"_Edward..."_

"_Mm-mm..." I mumbled around her tit, and she nearly came up off the bed._

_My hand strayed to the button of her jeans, and I opened them slowly, giving her a chance to put a stop to where this was headed. Bella froze for a second, but then I felt her hands in my hair pulling my head closer, and she made no move to restrain me from putting my hand down her pants._

_After opening up her jeans, I worked my hand into her silky panties, slipping a finger into her slick wetness. "Oh, God, Bella... you're so wet," I groaned between her tits as I was switching sides._

"_Oh..."_

_I slipped a second finger inside her, pumping them in and out slowly._

_Then the unthinkable happened... the knob of the bedroom door rattled!_

"_Yo, Eddie! What the fuck are you doing in my room with the door locked? You're not rubbing one out, are ya'?" James laughed, and I could hear our friend Riley snorting as he tried to hold back his amusement. "Where the hell is Bella?"_

_We both scrambled to sit on the edge of the bed. I heard a key fumbling in the lock of the door and jumped up to turn the light on._

"_We're both in here, you putz. Rubbing one out..." I muttered derisively, trying to play it off._

"_Then open the fucking door, man." James didn't sound happy._

_Running my fingers through my disheveled hair, I opened the door to find James and Riley staring at me curiously. When I turned to see what state Bella was in, she'd already smoothed her hair and was sitting on the end of the bed calmly, texting someone on her phone. Cool beans; we were in the clear._

"_You get the liquor?" I asked._

"_Yup." James narrowed his eyes. "Let's go get everything ready; people will be here soon."_

_I followed James and Riley down the hall, leaving Bella alone in the bedroom. God, how I wanted to be back on top of her with my fingers down her pants!_

_When we got to the living room, James said, "Great job cleaning up, man!"_

"_Thanks. Um, Bella did most of it though."_

"_Uh huh. That's Bella for you; she's a stand-up girl. Beer?"_

_I nodded._

_On his way out of the room, James leaned in and whispered, "That's not your best shade of lipstick, douche-bag."_

Fuck me_._

_Bella mingled at the party and seemed to have a good time. She glanced at me furtively every once in a while but never made any close contact. I spent the evening surreptitiously sniffing my fingers, reveling in her musky scent._

_As the party was winding down, Bella left with a few girlfriends, and I never had the chance to talk to her. James told me later when it was just the two of us that Bella said fooling around with me was a mistake and never should have happened. It felt like my heart was being ripped out and stomped on, which I blew off with some male posturing of my own._

~*0*~

A few weeks after the party, James told me he'd finally asked Bella out. Within a few months, she'd moved into his place, and they were a couple. As always, I was the odd man out, suffering through a string of vacuous bimbos that never measured up against my lofty view of Bella. To me, she was perfect, a goddess, and I had no idea what she saw in James. He didn't treat her like she deserved. If she was _mine_, I would treasure her.

They often invited me and other friends over for dinner or to play cards. It was hard for me to watch her with another man; to see his hand graze her ass when she got up to refill everyone's drinks, or the way he kissed her possessively with a gleam in his eye that said, 'This piece of ass is _mine_.' It wasn't with reverence or caring that he handled her; it was with a strong sense of entitlement and ownership.

While talking to James after one of his many arguments with her—they had quite a volatile relationship—I admitted my feelings for Bella to him in a moment of weakness. I let him know that I would never try to come between them because of our friendship but that I would want to be with her if he wasn't. We'd hit the beer a bit too hard, and I regretted my words as soon as I saw the dark, glittering look in his eyes—reminiscent of a snake waiting to strike me dead.

A few years passed this way; I would come in and out of their lives because there was only so much I could stand to torture myself by watching the woman I loved being slowly suffocated by my asshole friend. He was killing her, and I felt powerless to do anything about it. Bella obviously didn't want me; I figured maybe she was one of those chicks that dug being controlled. As far as I knew, he'd never laid a hand on her physically, but he spoke down to her as though she was a worthless piece of shit under his shoe. I would find myself growing angry about it, and when I couldn't take any more, I'd disappear for a while, trying to get my own life together.

I dated a string of women, but they were never Bella. I pretended to be happy; I even got engaged once, but Tanya ended up cheating on me, sending me into another downward spiral. Breaking down, I called the house, and Bella answered the phone, informing me that James was at work. _ Yes!_ I could talk to her for a while.

I poured my heart out to her, admitting that Tanya had cheated on me, that I felt so empty. In her special way of cutting straight to the heart of an issue, Bella asked softly, "Edward, do you miss _Tanya_ herself, or do you miss having someone there?"

I hesitated only a second before answering. "I miss having someone. I feel empty and worthless, Bella."

"Oh, Edward, you'll find that special someone. You just have to be willing to wait for her. You deserve to be happy."

"You really think so?"

"Absolutely. I can't imagine anyone wanting to hurt you."

I lapped up every drop she offered me like a cat with a dish of cream. I imagined she was talking about herself; that she was planning to leave James and that she wanted me, too. _Asshole._

My thoughts and dreams were filled with Bella. I continued to compare everyone to her, and I didn't feel worthy of her affections, sure that if she left James it would be for someone so much better than me.

With Tanya gone, I had no distractions to keep my mind off of Bella. Unable to resist, I started hanging around with her and James again. Things had really deteriorated by this time, and I was appalled to find Bella apathetic and depressed and James nastier and more condescending than ever.

One night, we were hanging out watching movies in their living room. James was laying on the floor with his upper body propped up on a pillow while Bella sat next to me on the couch. Even though we were a good two feet apart, I could _feel_ her; there was a palpable tingling on the side of my body that faced hers. Bella's eyes looked so haunted and desolate; the dark circles under them made me ache for her. I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and let her know I would protect her from anything that might harm her. But she wasn't mine to protect; she wasn't mine to hold. For the thousandth time, my heart broke into sharp little splinters of pain that seemed to flare with each breath I took.

James was particularly caustic that evening, putting her down left and right. Bella just rolled her eyes and huffed, not even defending herself the way she used to. He was killing her slowly, bit by bit, and anger started to smolder inside me.

I don't even remember what James said to Bella that set me off, but I'd had enough. Jumping off the couch, I grabbed him by the arm, hauling him up off the floor, and snarled in his face, "What the fuck, James? How can you talk to her that way? If I had a woman like Bella, I wouldn't be putting her down all the time!"

"What's your damage, Eddie?" James laughed. _How could he laugh at a time like this?_ Inside, my rage ballooned. Grabbing him by the front of his shirt, I yanked him closer until we were face to face. I'm sure my green eyes were fierce and stormy by this time—I'd been told they darkened considerably when I was angry—and I was beyond pissed at this point.

"What's _my_ damage? What's _your_ fucking damage? I won't sit by while you speak to her that way. I can't fucking do it anymore!" Pulling my arm back, I balled up my fist, about to smash it into James' face. The only thing that stopped me was a gasp from the couch; Bella had her hand over her mouth, and her eyes met mine—soft brown, doe eyes to dark and stormy green—and widened as she shot up off the couch.

"Guys! Stop... please."

"No! He can't talk to you that way, Bella!"

James laughed. "I can talk to her any way I please, asshole. She's _mine, _not yours; you'd do well to remember that."

Bella stiffened. "I'm not yours!" she spat. "You talk about me as if I'm a piece of meat! You know what? _Fuck_ you." Turning her back on us, she rushed from the room and out the front door.

I still held James by the shirt, but my grip had loosened considerably, and my mouth dropped open. Bella rarely used language like that; she certainly didn't do much lashing out when James said demeaning things to her—maybe she was finally starting to realize he wasn't good enough for her. Looking at James, I saw surprise and slight awe on his features; he wasn't used to Bella being so vociferous.

"Well, the little bitch_ does_ have a backbone in there somewhere, huh?" James snickered. "Fucking let go of me, douche-bag!" He pushed me hard, but I pushed back harder, knocking him on his ass.

"If you ever speak to her that way in my presence again, I'm going to beat the living shit out of you. You feel me?" My voice came out in a low growl that was eerily calm.

James looked up at me from his position on the floor, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed thickly. "Yeah... I _feel_ you. Find yourself a piece of ass, Edward, and stop drooling over mine."

"Gah!" I jammed my hands into my hair, too aggravated to say anything coherent. James was so ignorant; there was no way to make him see that he had everything right here before him, and he was slowly killing it, killing her. The light in her eyes—always so bright and comforting—was dimming.

Unable to handle looking at him a moment longer, I grabbed my jacket off the dining room chair. "I'm heading out, James. I can't even stand to look at you right now."

"Jealous because she's not yours?" James replied spitefully, that ugly, snake-like glitter in his eyes.

"No, just disappointed that you've become such an asshole. What happened to you?"

"What the fuck do you know about it, Eddie? She's not so easy to live with, ya' know?"

"You don't seem to be a prize either," I muttered. "Later."

"Yeah, whatever." James flipped me the bird.

As I rushed out into the night, my face was flaming. James had struck a nerve when he accused me of being jealous that Bella wasn't mine—I _was_. I was insanely jealous that he touched her, held her, made love to her... but now it seemed that he was seriously mistreating her.

Jumping into my car, I peeled away from the house, only making it a few blocks before I pulled over to the side of the road. Dropping my head into my hands and leaning against the steering wheel, I wondered where Bella had run off to. Her car was still in the driveway, so I knew she was on foot. I wracked my brain, trying to figure out where to find her. Knowing how she loved the water, I got out of my car and walked the three blocks to the little park along the river. It was a cool, misty night, the sound of the crickets strangely calming. I fought to get my anger under control; Bella didn't need to see me like this—it had obviously upset her when James and I were fighting at the house.

Reaching the entrance to the little park, I leaned my forehead against the cool metal pole of the fence to catch my breath and calm myself. Peering into the dark, I spied her slight form standing on the small beach that ran down to the edge of the water.

Once I caught my breath, I walked past the jungle gym, which cast eerie shadows in the darkness, and started down the beach. Bella didn't sense me approaching, and I could hear her crying quietly when I was a few feet away. My heart ached for her, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to take her pain away.

I stopped just behind her, unsure how to go about this. In the end, I decided that calling her name would be better than touching her in a park late at night.

"Bella?"

She still jumped, startled to find me right behind her. "Oh! Shit, Edward; you scared me." She swiped at her eyes, trying to hide her tears. "What are you doing here?"

Moving in closer, I said, "I'm here for you, Bella. I'm sorry about that whole scene back at the house—I just couldn't listen to him talk to you that way."

Bella stood there staring at me, her expression unreadable in the darkness. Oh, how I wished I could see her face clearly, so I might be able to tell what she was thinking or feeling. Abruptly, she spun away from me to face the water again. Walking up until my front was almost touching her back, I could feel that buzzing that was always present when I was close to her. Resting my hands lightly on her shoulders, I leaned in next to her ear. "Bella? Talk to me."

She drew in a shuddering breath akin to a sob, and her body shook slightly. "Edward, what were you thinking back there?" she asked softly.

"I lost it, okay? James treats you like shit, and I just couldn't stand it for another second. You deserve better than that." My lips were touching strands of her hair as I spoke into her ear, and I wanted so badly to spin her around and kiss her.

"You didn't do me any favors, you know? He's going to be an even bigger asshole to me now that you stood up for me. It's what he does."

"Why, Bella? Why do you put up with his shit?"

"I don't know." When she said this, she almost sounded surprised.

I pressed my face into her hair. "Bella, why don't you leave him if you're not happy?"

"It's not that simple." Bella shook her head, pulling away from me and walking closer to the water's edge, where she stared out over the fast moving river.

"Why not?"

"I don't want to talk about this right now, Edward. I have a lot of thinking to do about my life."

_Yes, but please think about having a life with me._

"Bella, I wish I could help you. Is there anything at all I can do?"

"Be there, Edward. You always disappear."

Guilt flooded me, and I knew she was right. How many times had I ignored James' calls for a few months while I tried to get my feelings for Bella under control? Could I even promise her not to do it again? No, I couldn't because I loved her and was too fucking scared to just say it. She didn't want me.

"I – I'm sorry, Bella. It's just so hard for me to be around the two of you when things are so tense. I care about you both, and it tears me up inside." I reached out to touch her arm, and she flinched away.

"I want to be alone."

"Please, Bella -"

"I need to be alone, to think. Please just go."

"Okay. Call me if you need anything, all right?"

Bella just nodded, walking along the edge of the water... away from me. My heart went with her.

I hid behind trees and bushes, watching her from afar. I had to know she got home safely.

~*0*~

After the night at the park, I stopped coming around them again. I couldn't control my anger whenever I thought about James, and I knew my feelings for her were so close to the surface that surely she must see it when she looked into my eyes. Lying in bed night after night, I berated myself for being such a coward. In essence, I was hiding because I couldn't face the truth.

One day a few months later, a mutual friend told me he'd seen Bella and James—that he'd noticed them snipping at each other. I found this unusual since Bella told me that James never let other people see his mean side, and I suspected it meant he was losing control. Hearing about her, I couldn't help but call the house. Bella answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Bella."

"James isn't here," she stated coldly. "I'll tell him you called."

_Click!_

She'd hung up on me. In the few words she'd said, it sounded like she hated me. I tried to call right back, but she let the answering machine pick up.

A few weeks later, I tried again. James answered the phone and sounded fairly happy to hear from me. He teased me about not caring about my friends. I heard Bella in the background.

"Who's that?"

"It's Eddie!" James told her.

Silence.

I heard a few other voices in the background, and James told me they were playing cards with some friends I'd never met because I hadn't been around in so long. I heard Bella snort and mutter something under her breath.

"James, can I talk to Bella for a sec? I need her advice on something."

"Yeah, sure, if she'll talk to you." James covered the mouthpiece, but I could still hear him. "Bella, Eddie wants to talk to you."

"About?" she asked flippantly.

"He needs your advice—probably on his lame-o love life."

Bella sighed. "Fine."

"I'm going on a beer run while we break; be back in ten, baby."

After a few minutes, Bella came on the line. "Yes?" she asked in an icy tone.

"Bella, you sound so angry. When I called a few weeks ago, you sounded so cold. I – what's wrong? Have I done something?"

Bella snorted with derision. "I'm so sorry if I hurt your feelings, _Edward_, but it hurt me that you just abandoned me after stirring the pot months ago. You think you can just come in and out of our lives like this? Maybe it's okay with James, but it's _so_ not okay with me."

"Bella, I'm sorry. I just can't take being around the two of you when you're fighting like that. You saw how I almost decked James. It's too painful for me to be around you guys."

"Why would it be painful for you? _I'm_ the one taking all James' shit!" she spat.

"And I hate it, Bella. You don't deserve it."

"But I _do_ deserve to be abandoned by my friend? By the only person on this earth that understands what I go through? I have nobody to talk to—all our friends knew James first, and they all think he's awesome. He only treats me like shit in front of you or when we're alone. When we're with anyone else, he acts like the perfect gentleman."

"Bella, I had no idea. I'm so sorry. I'm so connected with you... it pains me to see you hurt—I just felt like I needed to get away for a while."

"If you're connected to someone, it doesn't just go away when you're away from that person, does it?" she murmured thoughtfully.

"No, it doesn't," I whispered, knowing full well I'd thought of her every single day we'd been apart. "Can you forgive me?"

"Can you promise not to abandon me again?"

"I – I don't know."

"Well, that's honest. I'm not real happy with you right now, but I need you, Edward. Like I said, I have nobody who understands what I go through." I could hear the sound of a door closing in the background. "I have to go; James is back with the beer. I'll talk to you, I guess..."

"You definitely will, Bella. I'm sorry again for being such an ass."

"Goodnight, Edward."

"'Night, Bella."

After feeling the coldness from Bella, I decided to try hard not to be such a selfish asshole. I loved her, and when she'd needed me, I'd totally failed her. I was so wrapped up in my own pain, I'd forgotten about hers.

James also seemed desperate for my friendship, reminding me there was nobody else that understood him like I did. We'd been friends since grammar school, and he trusted me more than any of his other friends. I informed him that was well and good, but that I couldn't handle hearing him treat Bella like a piece of dirt. James showed a fair amount of remorse, and I told him if he treated her that way in my presence again, I would beat the shit out of him. For once, James didn't have a witty comeback and didn't remind me that Bella was his and not mine.

The next few months went smoothly. I saw James and Bella fairly regularly, and he was respectful of her in front of me for the most part. Bella's eyes still worried me; it seemed as though she was trying to distance herself from me, and the life had been nearly extinguished in the deep brown pools.

One day, a blocked call showed up on my caller ID.

"Hello?"

"It's Bella," she mumbled quietly.

"Bella, hi!" I scrunched my brow; Bella never called me. "How's it going?"

"I left him, Edward."

"What? What happened?"

"I just couldn't take it anymore, Edward. I feel like the walking dead. The clincher was when he put his hands on me." I heard a muffled sob come over the line.

"What? He put his hands on you?" I asked incredulously. That's the one thing James had never done; the one thing I would never sit by and watch.

"He pushed me into the wall, and then he slapped my face. I think this has been brewing for a long time; he just finally lost it, Edward."

"I'll fucking kill him!" I roared as pain flared in my chest and rage washed through my veins. "Where are you?" I softened my voice to almost a whisper.

"With a friend."

"Are you okay, Bella?"

"No. I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I'll manage. I just called to let you know I'm leaving."

"Well, that's good. You should have left him a long time ago. Let's get together and talk."

"No, Edward, I'm _leaving_. There's nothing for me here. My cousin back east wants me to come live with him, and I... I'm leaving tomorrow morning. I just called to say goodbye."

"Bella, no! You have me here..."

"Yeah, when you can stand to be around." Bella hesitated. "I'm sorry, Edward; that was a cheap shot. I know you did your best to be there for me, and I know you were_ his _friend first. I'll give you a call when I get settled in. Hey, maybe you can come visit me sometime?"

"Yeah, definitely. I'll visit you." I swallowed thickly, feeling my entire world crumbling around me.

"Goodbye, Edward," Bella whispered. She didn't even wait for me to answer before she hung up.

That night, I got plastered; completely and totally shit-faced. I was shocked that James hadn't called to tell me what happened, but, then again, he knew I was going to beat the shit out of him for laying a finger on her. Ironically, James was the one person on this earth that knew I had feelings for Bella that went beyond friendship.

The tears started to fall, and once they did, I couldn't stop them. I trashed my bedroom in my drunken haze, ripping up every picture of me and James I could find. The pictures with Bella in them just made me cry harder, and I cut up them all up, saving only the parts with Bella. I railed at myself for being so stupid, for failing Bella so thoroughly.

The rest of that week went by in a drunken stupor. I called in to work, told them I had the flu, and then proceeded to sample every kind of liquor I could get my hands on. Thank God the liquor store was within walking distance. The guy behind the counter smirked at me after the third day. "Lady troubles, eh?"

"You could say," I mumbled noncommittally before shuffling my drunk ass back home to drink some more.

My mother paid me a surprise visit after I'd ignored her calls for the entire week, and she was appalled when she saw the state of my apartment—beer bottles strewn everywhere, dishes filling the sink, the cat's litter box overflowing...

"Jesus, Edward! What the hell happened to you?" Her intense green eyes met mine with concern.

I launched myself into my mother's warm embrace and cried. I know I scared the shit out of her; I didn't cry on her—ever. I blubbered and sobbed while she held me; the familiar scent of her perfume brought me back to childhood memories of her comforting me when I'd skinned my knee or someone called me names.

"Oh, Mom! I fucked up so bad. Bella's gone. She left James and moved back east to her cousin's."

"Oh, Edward. Why didn't you ever tell her how you felt about her?"

My head flew up, my eyes meeting hers with surprise. "You _knew_?"

"Of course, Edward. A mother knows these things. The way you always looked at Bella... I hurt for you. I was so proud of you for not interfering in another man's relationship; it was the ultimate sacrifice, but I didn't know things were so bad between those two."

"It's too late. Anyway, she doesn't feel that way for me." I shook my head.

"Oh, I think you might be surprised, my son. When she calls you, tell her."

"Okay, I will."

Another week went by, and I realized I had no way to reach Bella. I still hadn't heard from James, and I knew I had to stay away from him or I might end up in jail. After my mother's lecture about getting myself together, she helped me clean up my apartment, and I knocked off the drinking; it wasn't going to make anything better. I got back to work and tried to feel normal, but there was an empty space in my chest.

When Friday night rolled around, the guys invited me to go out, but I begged off. Feeling restless in my apartment, I decided to go to Riverside Park. As I entered the park, I ran my fingers along the cold metal of the fence pole, remembering the night I found Bella there crying. The atmosphere of this night was nearly identical—cool and misty with long shadows—and I felt haunted as I staggered down the beach to the edge of the water.

Pain flared in my chest, and I fell to my knees. I railed at God—as though it was _his_ fault I was so stupid—and pounded my fists into the sand as I sobbed. Just when I thought I couldn't hurt any more, the pain reached a crescendo inside me as I pictured the many empty years ahead of me without Bella.

"Bella!" I threw my head back and bellowed at the sky. "Bella!" Hoarse sobs ripped from my chest, and I thought surely I would die from this much agony. I called her name over and over, not caring if someone in the neighborhood called the police about the crazy man screaming down by the river.

"Edward?" asked a soft voice, filled with concern. It couldn't be; I must be hallucinating. My head whipped around, and there she stood, wringing her hands.

"Bella? How -" I broke off, unable to finish. Tears still streamed down my face, and I didn't have the wherewithal to notice or care.

"What's going on, Edward? Are you okay?"

"I thought you left..."

"I came back. I just couldn't... stay away."

"You're not back with him?"

"No, Edward! I came back for you. I had to tell you the truth before I could find peace."

"The truth?" I echoed.

Bella moved closer, standing before me. I was still on my knees, and I found myself looking up into her beauty. My eyes fluttered shut when I felt her warm hands cup my face. She stroked my skin, tear- streaked yet cool and clammy from being out here so long.

"Why are you so upset, Edward? What's wrong?"

"I failed you, Bella. I'm so sorry," I confessed with a pained moan, trapping her hands against my face with mine.

"Shh, Edward."

_She was going to comfort me after all that I'd done?_

My eyes snapped open, and hers were soft and forgiving. I shook my head. "No, Bella. I screwed up; I let you suffer with that asshole while I wallowed in self-pity! I knew he was mistreating you, and I did nothing!"

"But it wasn't your place to protect me from James."

"Yes! Yes it was because I love you, Bella!"

There; I'd said it. Now she could slap me or tell me to go screw myself. What she did was draw in a sharp breath, letting out a pained whimper, and then she collapsed to her knees.

"Bella? Are you all right?"

Her arm was thrown across her middle as though she was trying to keep her insides from spilling out. She shook her head. "No."

"Bella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, it-"

"How long?"

"What?"

"How long have you... felt this way for me?"

"Since that first day I saw you in James' living room, Bella. Always."

I reached my hand out to graze her arm, but she flinched away. Could she be so horrified that I felt something for her? I didn't expect her to reciprocate my feelings, but I never pictured her being so distraught over it either.

"Oh, my God."

"I'm sorry, Bella," I repeated, not sure what I could do.

"Stop it, Edward! What the hell are you sorry for?" Bella snapped.

"For telling you how I feel. I kept it to myself for years; I don't mean to burden you with it."

Bella shook her head, a bitter laugh escaping. "You stupid, stupid man!" Then she launched herself at me, beating on me with her fists while she continued to scream, "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" I didn't try to defend myself; I just let her take her frustrations out on me. It was the least I could do after all she'd been through.

Finally, Bella collapsed in a sobbing heap on the sand, exhausted. I stroked her back, needing to touch her even if she hated me. This might be the last time I ever saw her, and a sob bubbled up my throat at the thought.

"Bella? Please... I'm so sorry."

"Edward?" Suddenly she leaned over, grabbing my face between her hands. Our eyes finally met up close and personal, and I couldn't look away. "I – I've always loved you, too—since that first day. I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me the first time I looked into your eyes."

"_What?_" I shook my head. I must be delusional; there was no way Bella was really here saying this. "But the party... when we fooled around..."

"Exactly. You told James that you weren't interested in me, that you never should have kissed me."

"_What?_ No, no. James told _me_ that _you_ said it was a mistake to fool around with me!"

"He did?" Bella's voice sounded strangled. "Oh, God, no..."

"What the fuck happened, Bella?"

"Jesus. James played us both."

"Son of a bitch! All these years I've had to watch you with that snake, you could have been... mine?"

"Yes. My heart has always been yours, Edward," she answered quietly.

"But why James then?"

"I thought you didn't want me—I settled. I knew I could at least see you if I was with him... God, how pathetic I sound!"

"Bella, I love you so much. You have no idea how much it killed me to see you with him. That night I almost punched him... I just couldn't take him mistreating you any more. I'm so sorry... about everything."

And then there was no more talking as our lips mashed together. I pulled her in close, and she jammed her fingers in my hair as we sat there on the beach, kissing so hard and so long we both had bruised, swollen lips. Finally holding this goddess in my arms, knowing she felt the same way about me, was my every dream come true. I didn't spend time thinking about James and all the years he'd ripped away from us; I could only concentrate on showing her how much I loved her.

Licking along her lip, I felt her tremble as she opened her mouth to me, our tongues touching tentatively—this time because there was so much history between us and because we'd denied our feelings for so long. As Bella's tongue reached back to mine, I knew somehow we would survive this together.

The heat between us built to a crescendo—the buzzing I usually felt near her was pure electricity as our lips and tongues met over and over and our hands explored.

"Bella, come home with me?" I whispered against her lips.

"Yes."

I don't remember how we got to my apartment; I just gave thanks that my mom had helped me clean it up, and my cat was no longer giving me the cold shoulder. There was no discussion; we both headed straight for my bedroom. We were all lips, tongues and hands as our clothes piled up beside the bed. I soon found myself gloriously naked in my bed with Bella.

"Wait..." I sat up.

"What's wrong?" I could hear the fear in her voice even now—thinking that maybe I'd changed my mind.

"I don't want to rush this, Bella. I've waited for you for _six years_. I want it to be special."

"Edward, it will be. It doesn't matter if this time is fast or slow; I just want you inside me. Take all my pain away... please."

Rolling her on her back, I rose up over her, staring down into her eyes—soft brown eyes that looked more alive than I'd ever seen them, and it was because she loved _me_. I reached in the drawer of my bedside table, realizing I had no condoms; it had been a long time since I'd been able to push myself to have sex with anyone.

"I don't have any condoms, Bella."

"It's okay; I'm on the pill. I never wanted to chance having a kid with _him_."

"I'm sorry you had to go through all that. Bella, you're so beautiful; I've dreamed of this moment for so long."

"Me, too, Edward. I love you so much."

Looking down on her, I stroked her face gently. I was still loathe to rush things, but my throbbing erection had other ideas. Unable to wait, I made a deal with myself that I would go back later and worship her body over and over again.

Our lips met in a searing kiss, the emotions flowing between us an almost palpable presence in the room. I grazed a nipple with my thumb—remembering how that had driven her crazy that day six years ago since it was the only memory of her I'd had all these years to keep me going—and she made a mewling sound into my mouth. Nudging her legs apart, I entered her slowly, and she bit down hard on my lip, nearly drawing blood.

"Oh, Bella, you feel so good..."

"Edward," she breathed, my name like a prayer falling from her lips.

Looking into her eyes, I began to move inside her deliberately, drinking in the different phases of ecstasy as they flitted across her face. We'd never been together before, and I wanted to learn her body, to know what turned her on.

Bella lifted her hips against me with a whimper. "Faster, Edward, _please_."

Circling my hips, I thrust deeper into the velvet heat surrounding me. I didn't know how long I would last with Bella—I hadn't had sex in over a year, and I was finally inside the woman I'd craved for six endless ones. I couldn't deny her though, and I moved faster inside her as she spurred me on with her hips, her fingers digging into the skin of my back and shoulders and her encouraging moans.

"Bella, I'm not going to last much longer..." I groaned, breathlessly. "It's been a long time for me."

"It's okay, Edward... Oh, God!" Bella cried out, and I felt her walls clamp down around me, setting off my own release.

When our hearts had slowed to a normal rhythm, we turned on our sides with our arms wrapped so tightly around each other we could barely breathe. I knew it was because we were both afraid of losing this—what we'd always thought was just a pipe dream—all because of a lie told by a snake that called himself friend and lover.

"Edward, I love you. I'm... scared," Bella whispered, looking down.

Putting a finger under her chin and tipping her face up to mine, I looked deeply into her soulful brown eyes. "Don't be. I'll never let anything hurt you again, Bella. I love you so much, and I hope you can forgive me someday for being such an ass."

"I forgive you, Edward. It had to be just as hard for you all these years. What now?" she asked shakily.

"After I make love to you in every room of my apartment, after I lavish you with the attention you've been missing all this time, after I have kissed, licked and suckled on every delectable inch of your body... then we begin our lives—together."

**The End**

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